Days that Drain

Today was perhaps the hardest day I have ever had teaching. At 10:30 this morning the high school faculty was informed that one of the juniors had taken his life between 8:30 and 9:00 that morning. While it was not one of the students in my class I knew him because of his upbeat personality, his devotion, and his humor. He always greeted me in the hallways with a smile and was always looking to help someone who was down. At 11:00 when classes started up after our nutrition break, each faculty member read a prepared statement to their classes and then let them go to where ever they needed to go. I didn't think that I would be sought out by students to simply sit in my room and get a hug. It was the hardest thing I have had to do. It is the one thing I hate doing because I don't feel that I am any good at comforting. I think I deal with these kinds of things in ways that others don't. I like to listen to Wagner's Trauersimphonie. It is calming yet moving and covers the emotions that I feel need to be covered.

The hardest part was seeing how many people love that student and are going to have a big gap in their life without him there. I'm sad. I have had to be strong enough for the students and now that I am home I am simply sad. I think I personally am starting to feel the effects and start to cry every now and again.

Mackenzie asked me tonight why I my face was wet and patted me on the knee saying it was okay. She did just what I did all this afternoon for my students. I feel so much closer to the students in Rainier then I ever have and I hate that it is because we lost one.

Not a lot of information has been released. I hope they don't release anymore than they already I have. I'd rather not know.

I'm sorry if this is random. I just needed to write my thoughts before I explode.